Resting in His Radical Love

Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart,  and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.  

It’s a familiar verse but I struggle to apply it to my life many times. This is one of those times.

I have my understanding of what the Nuer need. We have been privileged to work among them for more than a year now, so I have formed my limited understanding of what they need based on much observation. My understandingis that they would benefit greatly from an outside perspective of the love of God. My observation has been that there are not a lot of examples to point to of sacrificial love. Without some picture of what sacrificial love looks like, it has to be difficult for the love of Jesus to really sink in.

In my personal culture, I can find with a little effort examples of husbands that love their wives sacrificially. I can find parents that work hard and sacrifice for their children. So I started to wonder if perhaps the Lord had chosen us to be a living example of sacrificial love and to speak of His sacrificial love and how it naturally flows into our lives as followers of Christ.

Now, as we face the final days that we have with Nuer, I have to reconsider everything that I thought I understood. So it is not, at least immediately, God’s plan to reveal himself through us, foreign missionaries. And we won’t get to spend the time and life with them that we thought we would.

I am encouraged, though, that the Lord must have bigger plans. As hard as it is for us to leave, we have to trust that the Holy Spirit will reveal Jesus in heart-transforming ways, even without anyone from the outside here. I have met men during my time that have a Spirit-driven desire to see the Church be more beautiful and more refined. They're willing to stand for truth even if culture will push back. In a time like this, I really am grateful I don’t have to lean on my own understanding and that all I have to do is submit to God in the ways I go.

I am grateful I can indeed trust that He can use whatever vessel He desires to bring the heart transformation we long to see.

I can rest in His radical love for the Nuer and His radical love for us.

God of Miracles

A few months ago in South Sudan, Brooke (my two-year-old) and I were hanging in a hammock. Abruptly, the string holding the hammock up snapped and we fell from about three to four feet above the ground. Brooke got out without a scratch. I had terrible pain in my tailbone, spine, and hip.

Because the clinic wasn’t easy to get to, I decided to give it a few days and see if it healed on its own. The pain was excruciating and only seemed to get worse. I stayed in bed for two full days, but on the third day, the pain was nearly gone.

A few days ago, another accident occurred. I found Brooke trying to climb down the stairs that has just been mopped. I scolded her and warned her that she could fall and get hurt. I swiftly picked her up and, at that very moment, we both went sliding down the staircase--her head hitting every step.

Miraculously, Brooke escaped with just a small bump on her forehead. My fate didn’t look as promising. My hand was badly mangled and fingers weren’t pointed in normal directions. The X-ray technician said it looked bad. The British doctor with 30-plus years of experience said I definitely had one, possibly two bones broken in my hand. Then the X-rays came back. “Did they x-ray the correct hand?” the doctor asked. Indeed they had. Second miracle of the day--I had escaped the fall with some bruising and swelling, but NOTHING broken.

1. Our God is one of miracles. If you need a miracle today, no matter how big or small, call on some brothers or sisters and have them pray with you. Let's lift one another up, encourage one another and ask God to show us His power.

2. I grew up without my father. It wasn’t the ideal situation, but God is our perfect father. He is there when we fall. In the small falls and the big ones. If you don’t know God as father, ask Him to show you. I pray that you will know Him as He is. One of perfect love, perfect strength, one who is passionate about you!

3. This is for parents: As I slid down the stairs with Brooke in my arms, every part of me wanted to protect her from the fall. But there was nothing I could do. The situation was completely out of my control. We don’t have control of our kids, but praise God that they are His. Let’s be faithful to shepherd them, care for them, and love them well. But at the end of the day, they are His children. Praise God! The perfect father, who looks after His sheep. He’s bigger, stronger and greater than anything I can offer them in my own flesh. 

We are Safe, our God is BIG!

This God, we serve……He’s really Big. Really, really BIG!

December 17^th. The date had been set for a few weeks. It was our departure date from Nasir, South Sudan for our scheduled Kampala assignment and Christmas break. Originally we had tried for a few days later, but nothing was available. So it was booked for 12/17. I’m learning on the field, that not much is a coincidence.

It’s noon December 16^th and our plane arrives in Nasir. With it, are the pilot and a radio specialist who came to asses our tower. Both of these men, have families waiting for their return. As they land in Nasir ( I really wish you could see our dirt air strip),  a few men that are there mention that there is fighting in Juba. The plane should not be here, they tell us.

In our minds, with no paved roads, Juba is a bazillion miles away. Though the fighting in Juba saddened us, we didn’t see it affecting our travel plans much.

The next morning, we set out for Kampala. It takes two stops before we can get there though. We were originally supposed to refuel in Juba (Capital city where the fighting was taking place). But somehow God orchestrated us to refuel in Bor

When we landed in Bor, armed UN guards tell us there has been night fighting there. They tell us the air space over the whole country has been shut down. They confirm our citizenship and let us on our way. But first, two Americans who were trying to leave South Sudan to see family for Christmas in the states, ask if they can ride with us to Kampala. We had 2 empty seats on our plane. Oh, how our God loves us.  “Of course!”, we told them. What a blessing that God used us to bless others that day!

A few hours later, we finally arrive in Kampala. Safely. We knew that God had orchestrated it all. We knew He was really BIG. But we didn’t know all that was about to ensue.  A few hours later, in the city of Bor, the fighting intensified and violent clashes are still going on there, even as I write this.

So this God we serve…..He’s really Big. He also gives people freedom to make their own choices. And right now, South Sudan, the worlds newest nation is fighting.  It’s fighting a physical attack and a spiritual one. But God is so Big. He saw that we needed a savior. So He emptied himself. He became flesh and came to this earth as a baby. From His birth to His death to His resurection, it was miracle upon miracle.  

As we celebrate Christmas this year. Will you join me in praying for a few more miracles?

Will you pray for peace to fill South Sudan? Will you pray for an agreement between tribes to come quickly? Will you pray that this Gospel (The only thing that can save us or them) would come to, and be received by all people of South Sudan?

God we need another miracle. One as big as you are. We love you and trust you.

Philippians 2:5-11

English Standard Version (ESV)

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,[a] 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,[b] being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

P.S. One of the reasons, I fell in love with South Sudan is because, it seems to be unknown or forgotten. The country is roughly the size of Texas with very few paved roads. It's difficult to give a good number on population, but World Bank estimates close to 11 million people. It's a country that's seen years of war, persecution and hardship. A country filled with beautiful people. People that I love. People that God loves more. Please war in prayer on their behalf. 

Vision Trip

(Bad punctuation follows)

In March of this year, our team went to visit Nasir, and I had the opportunity to see the place where I would be moving to for the first time. What I saw was not a shock to me, Although the people were even more beautiful than I had imagined. Everything else looked exactly like the pictures.  A dry, desolate land, far away from anything this world would consider as valuable. The heat however, was worse than I could have imagined. It was brutal. 

Because of my childhood, I tend to view myself as someone who can take on any challenge, someone who can make the most of an awful situation.  So I felt equipped for anything that might come my way in Nasir. But after 24 hours of being there, as the heat was relentless and I could literally look in certain directions and see absolutely nothing, the reality set in that this was an impossible task. That despite my own strength, despite my history of overcoming so much, that this was too big for me. Discouragement almost overtook me in that moment, but God in a beautiful and tender way, said "It is too big for you. But not for me. Because My power is made perfect in your weakness."  And then I remembered… that little girl, who fought so hard to overcome abuse, didn't do it on her own. It was Christ IN me, the Hope of Glory. It was Him at work in my church, the body of Christ, loving me and supporting me.  How great is our God!

After that tear filled moment where I saw my complete weakness, and I saw the Lords beautiful grace towards me, I was able to see Nasir differently. I had a Hope rising up inside of me. That the power of the living God was here. That he desires the hearts of the people in South Sudan. For years the enemy has had a grip on this place and on these people. And our prayer is that a great awakening will come to South Sudan. And then, that He will restore the years that the locust have eaten.   

Upon my return to Houston, I started the difficult logistics of preparing for an overseas move. Letting my sons Blue Ribbon school know that someone else can have his place next year. Putting cheap price tags on pretty much everything in our house as we prepare for a series of garage sales, so that we can take as little with us to Nasir as possible. Adjusting to the pay cut and saying good-bye to dearly loved friends and family. I have often felt that I have to give up so much! And then God shows me the deception in that. The women leaving their homes at 8 at night to pray together on my family’s behalf….A complete stranger, asking the Lord to give her scripture to pray for each individual  on our team…including my kids,  and then giving each of us a token  of her commitment to pray. The costly sacrifice that many of our supporters are surrendering. Bag after bag of clothes for my daughter so that we don’t have to worry about another expense. Surprise phone calls from people in the church who “just want to help”.  I think I’m giving up so much and yet that just isn’t true. I’m gaining more than I ever could have imagined, and I haven’t even left. His power is made perfect in my weakness.  Christ IN me the Hope of Glory. Him at work in the body of Christ!

Praise His name!

If I could end by just blessing you with scripture that the Lord has laid on my heart. Maybe you feel like I did as I looked across that barren land. Maybe you’re facing a seemingly impossible situation:

One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may DWELL in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. 

And because you are sons, God has sent the spirit of His Son into our hearts crying, "Abba, Father!", so you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son then an heir through God. Nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. ¹⁰ 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" Therefore I will gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. 

Not to us O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness!

-KP

You want me to go where?

I grew up in the US. But I was blessed to be immersed in 2 diverse backgrounds. My moms family is Mexican, Homemade Tamales, rice and beans y yo hablo poquito espanol. I grew up in a Chinese church. Went to Chinese school as a young child and even worshipped for most of my childhood in Chinese.

God has, for a long time, put on my heart evangelism. So in 2010, when we felt God asking us to leave that Chinese church we loved so dearly, we felt it was His calling into Full time Missions. And it was....

But in my limited wisdom, I thought we would go out and find a new church, and the right people and Gods direction and Mission organization would be clear.

After months of searching. We landed at Houston's first in Peter Swanns Sunday school class. To say that I was discouraged was an understatement. I mean in all honesty and transparency, I was disappointed. You see Peters lessons were life changing for me. They were different and challenging. But sitting in a Sunday School classroom at a Mega Church in Houston Texas was not what I had in mind when God laid "Full time missions" on my heart. And Every Village, then Aid Sudan was certainly not the organization God had in mind when he sent us out of our home church.... Besides, at the time, they didn't have full time missionaries there. And even more discouraging... Africa? I speak conversational Spanish! I love Latin and Asian culture, people, food, language. Surely somewhere along the line, we had made a mistake right?

But God is at work, even when we cannot see it... Amen?!

So I completely missed that these last 2 years were preparation for South Sudan. But that's okay right? Had I known we were headed there, i probably wouldn't have had so many children! Mud Hut living with three young children isn't very appealing.

But we don't have to see the big picture,right? In fact we can't see the big picture. He asks us to be faithful with each day. To give each day to him.

Fast Forward 2 years, to Summer 2012. I've given up on overseas missions. I've sort of "settled" that maybe Gods plan is much further out than we could see. And Jared comes to me and says, I feel like God is calling us to South Sudan to live as missionaries. After literally laughing out loud, I told him he was crazy. And he graciously asks, "Honey, will you pray about it?" It was a deer in the Headlights kind of look. "Sure, yeah I'll do that" I said, almost angry with Him. 3 Days later, the Lord had me on my knees in tears, as he confirmed for me that this was His plan. His story.

You see, if this was my story, we would have left for China, or Honduras, 2 years ago.I can literally see myself, opening up the yellow pages searching for Chines Mission Organizations...

And so as we work to fundraise and begin training for South Sudan, 1 important question keeps coming up, "What will you be doing there?"

Great Question. As we pray about our future there, God has made something very clear.

On October 26th, 1 year ago, Jared was on a short term trip to S Sudan. I had no idea that 9 months later God wold call us there. I recently found my notes from a devotional that I read and journaled at that time. I will paraphrase it for you :

A missionary is a person sent by Jesus. Just as Jesus was SENT by God. The controlling factor is not the needs of the people, but the command of Jesus.

There is great danger in missionary work. Gods call may be replaced by the needs of the people...to the point that human sympathy for those needs will overwhelm the meaning of being sent by Jesus. The needs are so enormous and the conditions so difficult that every power of the mind falters and fails. We can easily loose sight of our primary purpose, Matthew 28:19 , Therefore Go, and make disciples of all nations...

In our natural life our ambitions change as we grow. But in the Christian life.... the goal that is given to us at the beginning is the same even to the end. Jesus Christ. We start with Him and we end with Him. But sometimes the enemy will try to distract us. Towards putting our focus on what We think the Christian life should look like. The goal of the missionary, that's you and me, is to do Gods will. Not to be useful, or win the lost. A missionary, that's you and me, WILL be useful and WILL win the lost, but that is not our goal. Our goal is to do the will of our Lord!

So, What will we be doing there? We have training and plans and goals.....but ultimately we will give each day to Him. I can rest in what He has shown me, He is at work even when I can't see it. I can rest in the promises He's given me for this nation.

And I can see that their will be struggles and tears, and even disappointments.... But at the end of the day our goal will be the same... Jesus Christ. And He is worth it!