I want to build something for you, God

I want to build something for you, God. 

The desire comes with mixed motives I'm sure. It's hard for us as believers to meditate on the gospel and not come away with a burning desire to advance the Kingdom of God. To see our Jesus lifted high. He is just too good to keep Him all to ourselves.

On the other hand, when I am confronted with a lack of tangible fruit in some area of life, it's revealed that maybe my desire for this advancement is also motivated a bit by my desire to feel good about what I do. I want to feel like my life counts, like I'm successful, effective, and equipped. This desire is not bad, either. I believe this is a God-given desire.

It's when I find myself chasing significance and accomplishment apart from Jesus that I begin to walk away from the life God wants for me and toward the bits of death we call sin.

God may be responding to my statement, “I want to build something for you God.”

He may be saying:

I want to build something WITH you, son.

I want you to stop looking at your building project long enough to turn toward me and to take my hand. I want you to find my heart. Let’s look at this building together. Why don’t you ask me to move the bricks that are impossible for you to move? Why don’t you look at the things you are not equipped for as things that you need my help with, not things that prevent your success? After all, I don’t need builders. I can speak buildings into existence. I don’t need your service. I washed my friends' feet when I was with them.

I came to serve, remember? What I really want for you is more relationship. I want you to walk in the joy of holding the shepherd’s hand while we go together and carry out the ministry of reconciliation. I have given you an amazing mission to go out and restore people to their passionate, loving Father. Not because I am helpless to save them without your excellent work and strategy, but because you will get to know my heart as you seek as I seek and love as I love.

I could be wrong, but as I consider these statements, I think I find every single one is scripture. Help me if you think I am wrong. 

He wants to build something with us.

Do I have what it takes?

Do I have what it takes? It’s a question I had before I left the states and it is still the main question after a year of being in Africa. It's a question that's shaped my past, and I think it will be a question that has the power to shape my present and my future.

I have a hunch that I'm not the only one. You and I don’t just ask ourselves this question, we spend our time trying to look for evidence of the answer. We look at the results of our work or relationships and we critique ourselves about the quality of our results. If we don’t find flawless execution and better-than-average results, we begin to critique our personalities, skill levels, and our natural abilities.

We find things that could have been done better if one of these things were different. We look at ourselves and notice we aren't perfectly suited for what we do today. We might look for something we are better at. We might start to avoid situations that make us uncomfortable. If we are really “spiritual,” we pray for God to improve us.

Soon, our gifts and talents are our Lord instead of Jesus.  

Do I have what it takes? That is not a question we need to answer. It’s a question we need to go to war against. It's a question in direct opposition at times with the question we should be asking.

We should be asking, "What does God want to do in our lives? What is he calling us too?"

Beloved, it's not even about the results. We are off track from the beginning if we think God wants more from us: more results, more success, or more impact. Jesus doesn’t want more from us, He wants more of us. He wants us to be consumed with Him because He designed us to be consumed by Him. When we are consumed by Him, we bring Him the most joy and we ourselves receive the most joy.

He wants to lead us to places where we will find more of Him not to find a more significant life. He wants us to stop trying to find the way we can bring him the most success and start trying to find the way we can find the most of Him 

The application of this differs slightly from person to person, but all followers of Jesus are, by nature, missionaries. We can stop asking if we are good missionaries and start asking instead, "Lord, where should we go? Lord, who should we talk to? And Lord, What do you want us to say to them?"

My guarantee is this: He will lead us not to comfortable places but to ones filled with more joy and more Jesus. 

LOVE

LOVE,  I want to tell you about what He’s been showing us about His love for us and His love for others.

God loves you and me. This BIG God came in the flesh to a pain-filled world, becoming the perfect sacrifice and taking our punishment for sin.

I know the beautiful and precious story of the gospel very well. It’s the only story I hear over and over again that can still bring tears to my eyes.

As God has been showing me His desire for me to live a life as a servant, He took me to the cross.

Philippians 2:5-8

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God,
 did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing
 by taking the very nature of a servant,
 being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man,
 he humbled himself
 by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

It was in His love for us that He humbled himself. And so as I was seeking a formula for how to become a humble person, he showed me.

It is loving others. 

Now how in the world am I supposed to do that? How can I love someone sacrificially as Christ did? We know that it’s Christ in us loving others. But I wanted to know what specifically is keeping this hindered in my life. 

And then He showed me.

I can’t love others sacrificially until I better grasp His love for me. I have this idol of self, which just won’t go away. He loves you and me perfectly. He loves us better than we love ourselves. When I get that, I can let go of trying to protect myself and love others freely. 

I want that! Don’t you?

I’m praying: God, help me to better know your love for me. Help me to let go of myself so I’m freed up to love others. And then Lord, FILL me with your love. May it pour out, may it overflow.

#messy

It’s been a while since we’ve blogged. Not because nothings been going on…but because much has been going on.

I’m sure by now you know that we’ve made it to Nasir! God was so good in providing everything that we needed! It’s been an interesting 6 weeks here. Despite the differences, hardships and challenges, it’s a wonderful gift to know you are exactly where God wants you to be.

The last 6 weeks has been filled with killing mice, scorpions and most recently chickens, as I was desperate for meat. And then there is another dying. A dying of oneself. It hasn’t been a very gracious battle.

As I arrived in Nasir, I quickly realized that my biggest fears in coming here were coming true. My #1 job here is to be a mother to my children.  “But God”, I would cry out, “Why couldn’t you just let me be a mom in Houston! Why would you drag me here, to these difficult conditions, just to be a mom!”. Of course the enemy creeps in with his lies and his schemes of making one feel isolated as they are engulfed in the sin of being so focused on themselves that they can’t remember the truth of who God is!

But once I crawled out of the pit of self pity and back on to the alter as a living sacrifice, God reminded me of these things. God is good, all the time He is good. God loves us more than we love ourselves. God has a heart for the lost. God always keeps His promises.

My struggle just might be the same as some moms back home. Feeling small. Feeling like others are doing more “productive” things. Others have more important ministries. These are more of the enemy’s lies to keep our eyes off of Jesus.

A pestering idol in my heart has been an idol of productivity. Having to do something, so that I can prove myself. Prove myself to others…to God. But I know the truth; any fruit that comes is not of myself but Him.  My job is not productivity but faithfulness.

As he strips away the idols in my heart, I recognize my foolishness. His love for me is greater than my love for myself. And so, the idols, they destroy me.  But He builds me up. He gives life and gives it abundantly. So I said okay God, I’m all in. If my job here is to “ Just be a mom” , I’m all in. But change my heart God. Give me joy God. And guess what. He is. And as I lay myself down, and my eyes are turned on Him, my heavenly father lavishes me with gifts.  Gifts like seeing His heart for my children. Gifts like grasping the weight of discipling my children. And then He gives me two gifts named NyaRet and NyaBul.

NyaRet and Nyabul are two beautiful women that work on our compound. With homeschooling and being a mom. I may only get 30 minutes a day with them.  But this time is cherished time. It’s intentional.  It’s prayed over. It doesn’t look like everybody else’s time but……oh man did you catch that? I was about to compare myself to others.

I’m a work-in progress. A mess actually. But, I love Jesus. And this messy life of mine is all His. I’m all in.  And I think that’s all He asks us for. KP